A New Secret...

                It’s been a long couple of days as I was having such abdominal pain and leg cramps.  With lupus you have to listen to every new pain and change in your body as anything could lead to serious damage to the body.  My mom thought my pain resembled kidney pain, and of course my mother being the nurse she is, made an appointment for me to see my local doctor.  Thankfully it seems that all the pain is related to a new secret- low potassium.  It seems that one of the complications of my kidney problems is low potassium levels.  I’ve been pretty exhausted today and spent most of the day lying around and not doing much.  I was given potassium pills to try and raise potassium levels.   I have a return appointment next week to have it re-checked.

These past few days have shown me how much I have to take care and be aware of my body.   I always hesitate about going to the doctor.   What if it’s nothing and I came here for no reason?  All the “what ifs…”   I am quickly learning that no symptom and no question is too silly for the doctors.  Thankfully, I have great doctors!   Each one listens to my complaints.  I’m especially thankful for their determination to keep searching until they found out what was wrong with me. 

                Another adjustment is that I have had to give up driving for a while.  I have many friends who are willing to take me around.  The lady that took me yesterday really brightened my day.   She has scleroderma and is “in-tune” to how I’m feeling and when I’m struggling for breaths or too tired to walk. As the nurse brought the wheel chair to the room we quickly realized it was the extra – extra-large chair. As we started walking around the hospital we looked for a smaller wheel chair, we spotted one and she asked if I would like to switch. I responded back were better off with the extra wide chair then that one. We laughed as I realized that I have been in the clinic so much that I know what every wheel chair is like.  =)  I have also had the opportunity to have a young girl stay with me while her mom works.  It’s been nice to have someone in the house to talk to and do homework with.  She even has a smile when I have unplanned appointments, and understands when I am limited in what I can do because I’m having a bad day.  I am thankful for her company and her bubbly spirit.

                 One of my most difficult adjustments came today as I realized I am not able to go back to work for an unknown amount of time.  I had to tell my boss to take me off the work schedule.  It is something I have put off for several months, still having that hope of returning.  I know there is still hope but  I know it’s not fair for them to wait for me when they could hire someone else.  The boss that hired me is actually quitting, but another lady that works there will be taking her place. So it was very reassuring knowing that the lady that is taking over said she would be more than willing to hire me back if I am able to work again.  It was a really hard day, walking away from the job I loved so much- letting go and saying goodbye to another part of me. I know only time will tell on how the treatment will affect me and my body.  So now I am praying and looking at some options to work at home.  The lady that will be taking over my formers boss has had some experience with not be able to work and having to do work at home and has offered to talk to me about some of things she has experienced.