7 months...........

Can’t believe it’s been seven months since my life changed so much!

As I am working through the process of claiming disability and working with the disability center at school it has had me thinking a lot. It is one of the hardest things to hear the word “disabled” at the age of twenty.  At twenty you are just getting out of the house and starting to experience life as an adult.  It has been one of the hardest adjustments I have had to make.  I look back and would never have thought that this would be my life.  Yes, I have my days where it is really hard to adjust to the changes, but it doesn’t do me or the people around me any good to dwell on it.  It seems to get easier and easier every day!

As my mom and I were out to dinner the other night we started talking. I told her that I couldn’t go through this without the Lord.  Although there are so many unknowns on why God allowed this to happen, there is a reason. That is what keeps me going day after day. There are days where heaven sounds sweeter every day. But then I am reminded that God has a plan for me to still be here.  There was a time where I almost left this earth, but it wasn’t my time.  As our assistant pastor said, you might not know when it first happens that God has a purpose till later down the road.  Although I don’t see his plan now, I know there is a plan. Little did I know when I choose the songs and verses for my graduation I would come to lean on them so heavily only a year after graduation.

It has been a long road of up and downs. There is something deep down inside where I feel that I will forever struggle with this illness. I have days where I can do more than others, and I am thankful for those days. I am learning to live life as a “disabled” person. I get a lot of comments about adjusting to my new life. I had my former piano teacher over to chat and I was trying to open my water bottle and she asked if I needed help and I told her I got it by using my teeth. She said you’ve probably learned to adjust. It’s so true, in a way I have and am having to learn how to live a new life. I have to re-learn certain ways of doing things. 

Whether it be simple tasks like doing my hair, putting on socks or cooking a meal when I am having a bad day. My next two biggest challenges will be attending school in the spring and learning how to learn again with all my new challenges. As well as living out on my own, its an exciting yet scary thing. I may have challenges but I am not going to allow it stop me from reaching my goals. It has always been my dream to attend college and earn a degree. My future goal is to one day be able to help teach children with disabilities. Being in the situation myself makes me want to help them even more. As my doctor said you just have to take it day by day.  Every day I seem to get a little more used to my new life. I find ways to keep busy and keep my mind occupied. 

Here is one of my all-time songs and verses I lean on…..

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Unkowns.....

Wow where to begin! It has been a long busy couple of weeks with doctor appointments, the fundraiser and getting things set up for next semester at school.  

First I will start with the fund raiser! I was BLOWN away by everyone’s love and kindness! I could not believe all the baskets, baked goods and items donated for the fundraiser! I am so thankful for everyone and all they have done for me and mom. I can’t thank you all enough! The fund raiser has allowed me to pay off several small bills and put some towards some medical bills.  It feels good to get some of that down! =)

Well I had my first appointment with the kidney doctor the beginning of October. He wasn't so sure a whole lot was going on and was wondering why I was there since my labs showed no evidence of any thing major going on. So he decided to run some lab work and see me back in 3 weeks. After just being off 5mg of prednisone my one inflammation marker went from 6-23. The kidney doctor was quite surprised at that and several other labs showed some others going on.  My blood pressure had also started to become really high so they have started me on a low dose of blood pressure medication to get that under control. It seems to be working so far. My B12 was also low so they have also started me on B12 injections. So crazy this body of mine can’t seem to make up its mind! =) He also decreased my prednisone dose to 10 mg. We will see how that goes. Every time they decrease it, my body seems to do worse.  I saw my main doctor today and he is concerned that I may never be able to get off the prednisone as it seems that my body is worsening with each decrease of prednisone. They still want to try, but he isn't sure if it will be able to happen or not. He took labs to see if my inflammation marker went up at all since going down to the 10 mg of prednisone.  They might put me back on the higher dose and try lowering the dosage slower. It’s still a lot of unknowns. I am still having some pretty severe headaches so he also set up a consultation with a headache specialist in Fargo. Waiting to hear when that is. That is another thing that they want to try and get under control.

I haven’t been able to eat too much this last week but broth, and dry toast. Today my doctor was able to give me some medication to give me a little break in my pain and give me a little boost of energy for a while.  So I took advantage of it and ate some yummy food! It was nice to go out with mom and have some relief and enjoy our time out.

I know that anytime I could get better, and if it’s the Lords will for me to be better he can make me better. But I have been praying that the Lords will, will be done in my life. And although I might not know the reasons, his plan for my life right now is this.  I feel like my doctors really want to get me better as well but are starting to notice that there might be nothing that can be done except find ways to manage the illness. I am ok with that; the Lord has a plan and purpose for this. Since I can remember I started praying that the Lord would full fill is plan and purpose in my life. And this is what his plan is for my life at this time. I am thankful I am still able to do things and there are resources out there to help me live life to the best that I can. I know without the Lord and the support from everyone around me I could not go through this.  My mom has and continues to be the biggest help to me. I love her so much and am so thankful for everything she has done!  It brings back to mind the song I had played at my graduation, “God Makes No Mistakes”.

We took my car out and about today so it could be driven for a while. It was weird to look in it and see it left as it was when I first got sick. I still walk around the house and see things that haven’t been touched since I became ill. And see how life just stopped and changed forever in an instant of time. It really puts in perspective each day is unknown.   

Well that is it for now. I will try and update you when we find out more. =) Me and several single girls are doing a party for the teenage girls in our church. Getting pretty excited and joying being busy with the planning and putting together.

Romans 12:2 KJV

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

Katie